Finding Comfort in Him

I woke this morning from a dream that seemed to last all night. I don't remember much of what it was about, but I do remember who was in it. It was this darling boy with big blue eyes, Luke Knauss! For those of you who know Luke, you already know how easy he is to love. The way he smiles could melt the hearts of even the most stone-cold souls! For those of you who are clueless, he is the youngest son of some of my dearest friends, Marc and Melissa. By the time I got downstairs this morning and turned on my computer (the way I start most everyday, at least when Justin is gone) I had an email saying Luke's CarePage had been updated...It hasn't been updated in a while, so I was quite interested to see what it said. It's one of those things that you have to be invited to read, but I got permission from Melissa to post what she wrote:

Hello all!

Here is the long awaited next chapter in the Luke Knauss story. Back in July Luke met with a Neurosurgeon and Plastic Surgeon regarding surgery on his head for what is called a “Cranial Vault Expansion” to enlarge the small head he has as a result of his brain injury. The surgery was all scheduled and ready to get underway when his Neurosurgeon got deployed to Iraq. This left us needing to start from scratch and it was now September. We met with a new Neurosurgeon on at Naval Medical Center Portsmouth (NMCP) in VA and again he recommended surgery but it would seem that the surgery would happen just before the end of the year and we knew that we’d be moving back to Washington State in early 2009 when Marc plans to get out of the Navy. Marc and I prayed long and hard and consulted with the medical staff at NMCP and we came to the conclusion that it would be best for Luke if the boys and I moved back to Washington to have the surgery started and finished in the same location.

On October 1st the boys and I arrived in WA. Marc stayed back in Virginia and moved back onto the ship until his service obligation is over. After a couple weeks, Luke had a consult at Children’s Hospital…they denied his surgery. “It’s too dangerous”, “it’s not worth the risk”, “it’d be more cosmetic than medically necessary”. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I had never expected for an instant that it would be denied. I’d never heard the slightest hesitation from the three docs who recommended the surgery at NMCP. I MOVED across country WITHOUT my husband for this! My wonderful husband was thousands of miles away for no good reason!

A second opinion was recommended and that appointment was set up for a month later. At first my prayers were pleas to God to change the minds of the doctors to allow the surgery. I scoured Luke’s medical record for the reports from the doctors who had recommended the surgery and highlighted “the good stuff”. Every day I pleaded with the Lord and hoped that the second opinion would be different. About a week before Luke’s second opinion my prayers intensified and as they did I finally surrendered. “Lord let Your will be done” became my new plea. What if the Lord had been protecting Luke all this time: the Neurosurgeon getting deployed, the denial here at Children’s, what if my selfish pleas were answered and I got what I wanted but it wasn’t the will of God? What if it was a disaster?

The day of the second opinion came. I felt calm and relaxed…not anxious and excited like the first appointment at Children’s. I had my binder with Luke’s medical information in hand, with sections highlighted, but I knew that whatever happened was going to be God’s confirmation of His will, with or without my random data or the appeals to the doctors that I’d rehearsed 100 times in my head but knew I’d never speak of word of. In my back pocket I had a page ripped out of my journal from early July when I first prayed about Luke having surgery…I had scribbled comforting words that I felt the Holy Sprit speak to me.

“Cling to Me. I am in control regardless of what happens. I am healing him and protecting him. I will comfort you. I will be with you all the way. I have and will continue to keep him safe. He is destine to be a testimony to Me and there is no greater destiny than this. “

The doctor began by examining Luke’s head and then pulling up and explaining Luke’s various CT scans. I knew where it was going almost instantly. “I am healing him and protecting him.” My sprit recalled the words on the paper folded in my back pocket. The doctor went on to explain that even if they did the surgery, Luke’s brain had already done the bulk of it’s growing and that it would not fill the space created by the surgery. This could lead to infection caused by the excess spinal fluid that was forced to fill in the gap. Luke’s head would be extremely fragile after the surgery, forever (remember Luke has a brother who is three years older than him, I’m sure Luke is going to take a few footballs to the head in his lifetime). Most terrifying of all: The skull wants to be close to the brain, there is a good chance that the skull may collapse in order to restore its natural place! Wow! “I have and will continue to keep him safe.” I am SO glad Luke’s Neurosurgeon got deployed! What if we had stayed in VA and Luke had the surgery!? The surgery could have been fatal! What if I hadn’t submitted to the Lord and I actually got what I had been praying for? “Cling to Me.”

Luke will continue to be monitored by the Neurosurgery clinic at Children’s. When his about 7 years old they will evaluate him for implants for his forehead and cheekbones to make his face look broader. He wouldn’t have that surgery until after he turns 10. When his face is completely done growing they will evaluate him for implants to his jaw and “lower face”. He would have that surgery as an adult. Luke is a beautiful child. If you were to look at him now you’d only see his big blue eyes and great big smile, his golden ringlets, his eager excitement and his ready love.

So Luke may have a small head, it’s a strong, healthy head. So he might get teased. “He is destine to be a testimony to Me and there is no greater destiny than this.” He may also have those who read this pray that his head does grow, miraculously. The plates of his skull of still open, his head would still grow if his brain gained mass. Every day Luke’s life is a miracle, every day he does something THEY said he’d never do. Everyday I’m brought close to tears by the simple things he is able to do that most people take for granted. Why should this, why should Luke’s brain growing supernaturally be any different? Maybe you’ll ask someone else to pray for this miracle too. Maybe you or those you ask will be encouraged to pray for what seems impossible in your life…for what THEY say could never happen. “I will comfort you.”

I dreamed about Luke all night long, unknowingly. I said it was a coincidence, but we as believers know that it was not! I read these words that Melissa so graciously shared, and I felt completely empowered...That in the times in life that seem most dark and frustrating, she found peace--knowing that this was God's will for Luke's life all along. I am so proud to call Melissa my friend. She is one of the strongest women I know, and that strength comes from her faith in God. If only we could all be so trusting. She holds a special place in my heart, and I know that her confident prayers have also brought peace into my own life. I would like to ask that upon reading Luke's story, you would all take the time to pray for him. I know many of you already are. Pray that God will continue to perform miracles in this little boy's life...and also that God will bless as many lives with Luke's story as possible! I know he's touched mine...

Peace, Love and "unanswered" prayers xo